When Being There Matters More

She didn't shout. She didn't cry. She simply closed her eyes and slept through her exam.

It was the only way Edward Chan's daughter knew how to tell him she was drowning in anxiety.

That moment cracked something open in him and it changed everything not just how he parented, but who he chose to be.

Every parent wants what's best for their children, but not many are ready to navigate a version of parenthood they never imagined. For Edward, fatherhood grew beyond the role of a traditional provider as he had to learn to be fully present for his daughters with special needs. Although both are on the autism spectrum, their needs are very different. His elder daughter is more high-functioning, while the younger one also struggles with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and sensory processing.

Looking back, he realised that his elder daughter had been struggling far more than he had thought, despite initially believing she would be able to cope in a mainstream school. Doctors advised that beyond therapy, what she needed most was constant parental presence and reassurance to build her confidence. Faced with the growing demands for flexibility and emotional involvement, he realised that his career path no longer allowed him to be the kind of father he wanted and needed to be.

He decided to quit his corporate job to work as a driver for a ride-hailing service, structuring his hours around his daughters' daily routines. What once revolved around demanding work commitments as an internal auditor now centred on the moments his daughters needed him most.

This included rethinking his approach to exams entirely. Most parents would drill the importance of studying hard into their children, but Edward chose a different approach. For his elder daughter facing N-Level exams this year, his focus has been on emphasising effort over grades, so she would feel less pressure to perform and less tempted to give up before giving the exams a fair shot.

Homework time with dad: Edward has restructured his entire day around his daughters' needs.

His younger daughter, on the other hand, struggles with focus and memory retention. During last year's PSLE period, she was worried she wouldn't even be able to progress to secondary school. Edward decided the better option was to enrol her in Pathlight School's Vocational Track, reassuring her that there are different routes to secondary education. While it's a choice that may go against the expectations of many Singaporean parents, it grew his daughter's confidence, as the focus on hands-on life skills played to her strengths of repetition and muscle memory.

Despite moments of progress, Edward acknowledged that parenting children with special needs is often an unpredictable, "up-and-down journey". "It's not like once you've conquered one thing, you live happily ever after… it comes in stages," he described.

Over time, the emotional weight became difficult to carry alone, teaching him that even as he was the pillar of support for his daughters, he too needed support from others. That's when a friend told him about CASPER, a parent support group for caregivers of special needs children. The Facebook group, an initiative from the KKH Department of Child Development, became a safe space to openly share the emotional weight and anxieties that often felt difficult to explain to those outside the experience.

It was actually a conversation during a CASPER forum that led to the decision to enrol his elder daughter in Pathlight School. He had been worried about the stigma her autism might carry in a mainstream school, and concerned she wouldn't receive enough support there. It was a fellow caregiver who cut through his hesitation with a simple question: "Is your child's support more important, or saving face?"

That was the eureka moment that pushed him to choose what was truly best for his daughter.

The support he received through CASPER then inspired him to give back. Today, he helps organise physical and online forums where experts and caregivers share advice, experiences, and encouragement. He hopes to build the kind of support system that once helped him through his own struggles.

CASPER would not be the only place Edward chose to serve. CaringSG founder Dr Lim Hong Huay approached him about supporting the special needs community on a larger scale. Edward said yes, motivated not just by gratitude, but by a concern for his daughters' futures that extended far beyond his own home.

He is now a Head of Programmes and Services for CaringSG's caregiver support programmes, working closely with grassroots organisations and community partners to organise events and outreach initiatives across Singapore. Through these efforts, he hopes families can build knowledge, bond with their children, and connect with other caregivers who understand what they are going through.

"I feel I'm in debt to society," he shared. "So I want to give back and make the journey easier for other caregivers."

Edward with his daughters, the reason he chose presence over career.

Edward's Father's Day Reflection

For Edward, fatherhood now means embracing a lifelong responsibility, one that extends far beyond simply providing for his children. While many parents may worry less as their children grow older, his concerns for his daughters remain ongoing. Yet he shared that constantly viewing caregiving as a chore would only make you feel miserable. He has instead learnt to appreciate small moments of progress, celebrate little victories, and treasure the relationship he has built with them over time.

He hopes his story encourages more fathers and caregivers to be open about their struggles and seek support when needed. Acknowledging that many men may find it difficult to express emotions openly, he believes that asking for help should never be seen as a weakness. For him, learning to share his struggles rather than carrying them alone has become an essential part of sustaining both caregiving and his own mental well-being.

Redefining Fatherhood Through Community

Edward's journey ultimately reflects how fatherhood can evolve in ways many never expect. For him, being a father was no longer just about providing, it was about learning to become what his daughters truly needed at different stages of their lives.

His experience also underscores the importance of strong support systems, and how no caregiver should have to navigate such challenges alone. Through Project 3i, its three pillars, CAREconnect, CAREbuddy and CAREwell, are able to reach more caregivers meaningfully. Together, these pillars work hand-in-hand to support caregivers across different stages of their journey, from building safe support networks to providing peer support and personalised guidance to navigate complex needs.

Supported by Tote Board, through the Enabling Lives Initiative (ELI) Grant and subsequently through the Enhanced Fundraising Programme, these efforts reflect a shared commitment towards a more inclusive, holistic approach for families with special needs. By strengthening community-driven support and making help more accessible, it creates a ripple effect towards a Better Everyday for all.